What I Will Not Be Talking About on Wednesday

I’m looking forward to Vol. 1 Brooklyn’s Greatest 3-Minute Movie Stories night at (Le) Poisson Rouge, not least because I’ll be one of the storytellers. I attended their last shindig, about the 1990’s; man was it a booze-filled drive down memory lane. (Including all the consequences a drinking-and-driving metaphor implies.)

Jason Diamond and Tobias Carroll, the good men of Vol. 1 Brooklyn, said I could talk about whatever I like under the vague rubric of “movies.” Should I talk about the year I spent working at United Artists East in suburban Minneapolis? The thrill of watching Trainspotting in theaters? Or why the Oscars are a train wreck I can’t look away from?

I have a few ideas. I’ve also nixed a few others:

  • I will not be sharing my own theory about The Matrix, which would not only blow your id right through your superego, but would be impossible to fully explain in a mere 180 seconds.
  • I will not read Geoff Dyer’s Zona: A Book About a Film About a Journey to a Room, though of course I really, really want to.
  • I will not preview my one-man show “Avenged!”, a free-jazz off-off-off Broadway adaptation of the forthcoming Avengers summer blockbuster. (My movement coach says I’m “not there yet.”)
  • I will not try and convince you to see Primer or Bellflower. I hope this blog post will suffice. (They’re both phenomenal.)
  • I will not do my impression of Tom Cruise as Maverick. I have to get paid to do that one.
  • I will not talk about Wes Anderson. I assume two or three other people are already filling that quota.
  • I will not talk about the brilliance that is the Criterion Collection, unless someone who works there reads this. In which case, I am very open to product placement opportunities. Need I mention Vol. 1 Brooklyn’s coveted “Guys in New York Who Buy Box Sets” demographic?
  • I will not talk about the time I saw the titular actor of Weekend at Bernie’s. It was during a trip to Mexico. He was very drunk at the hotel bar. (YES, HE HAD THOSE SAME SUNGLASSES ON. IT WAS AMAZING.)

Anyways. Hope to see you there.

The Greatest 3-Minute Movie Stories
Presented by Vol. 1 Brooklyn

Wednesday, March 7th, 6pm
(Le) Poisson Rouge
158 Bleecker Street, New York


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