Leaked Revelations from Rove’s Memoir

So I got my hands on a copy of Karl Rove’s forthcoming memoir Courage and Consequence. Embargo be damned! I’m posting all the juicy details and revelations. Here are just a few:

  • The title Courage and Consequence was Rove’s second pick, enforced by his editor. His original title? The Courage of a Rich White Man.
  • During President George W. Bush’s first term, Karl Rove ate a human baby. Actually, the second term too.
  • His most cherished memory of working at the White House was surreptitiously entering the women’s restrooms and flipping up all of the toilet lids.
  • In a shocking betrayal of his former boss, Rove says, “Bush was never good at executing elaborate high fives.” (Bush has since expressed his disappointment and surprise at Rove’s back-stabbing.)
  • Rove set out one rule for himself when drafting his memoirs: “The hardcover edition must be heavy enough to bludgeon poor people with in the face.”
  • And speaking of faces, here’s Rove on the famous Dick Cheney incident where he shot a hunting buddy: “I have no recollection of that occurrence.”
  • On Hurricane Katrina: “I have no recollection of that occurrence.”
  • Rove writes that the hardest part of “fighting the good fight… standing up for what you believe in” and  “leading the American people toward a better tomorrow” was trying to suppress laughter while in public: “Seriously, it was like being high and talking to your parents. One giggle and you’re busted.”
  • On Obama: “He’s a fine man and a wonderful statesman, with a tough road ahead of him. Made even tougher by his refusal to sell his soul to me in a blood oath.”
  • In a bit which I’m still puzzling over, he writes: “Condi Rice would maddeningly pronounced my name ‘Carl,’ instead of the correct ‘Karl.’ I could hear the difference.”
  • On torturing terrorism suspects, destroying the American economy, violating citizens’ privacy via surveillance, shortchanging U.S. soldiers on field gear and protection necessary for combat, and falsely linking 9/11 with Saddam Hussein: “I have no recollection of that occurrence.”

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